


Jack's Song

by Delilah2040



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Character Death, Christopher Diaz is a National Treasure, Dad Evan "Buck" Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley Needs A Hug, Everyone Thinks They're Together, Family Feels, Friendship, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Regret, Sad, Song: Jack's song (Cavetown), not one of the fire fam i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:01:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24752830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Delilah2040/pseuds/Delilah2040
Summary: Buck finds out his childhood best friend is dying. The Diaz boys are there for him as Buck comes to terms with the loss. In the end, his best friend still has some things to teach him.Heavily inspired and based on Cavetown's song 16/04/16 (Jack's song)
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Original Male Character(s), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 161
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	1. Chapter 1

It was freezing cold. 

This wouldn't have been something Buck would have taken note of if he was back in Pennsylvania, but in the middle of spring in LA, it was definitely notable. It was the first sign that it would be a bad day. 

The second sign was the crew of the 118 going an entire six hours without anything much worse than a cat stuck up in a tree. 

Everyone was antsy, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Hen's leg hadn't stopped shaking as she bounced it in anticipation and Bobby was making his third batch of muffins having already run out of things to make for lunch. Chim and Eddie had actually fought over who got to clean up, a job that was usually avoided at all costs, while Buck sat, watching on, quiet in a way he could never be on a good day. 

And then his phone started ringing, startling him and everyone around him from their anticipation induced lull. Maddie's name flashes across the screen making Buck smile. No matter what happens, or how much they argue, Buck was so glad to have his big sister back in his life. 

"Hey Mads," He answers cheerily after only a couple rings. 

"Buck," Maddie replies in the same tone she used years ago to tell him she was moving out with her boyfriend and leaving him behind. Buck's joyful smile drops from his face, a heavy feeling settling into his chest. 

"Maddie, what's wrong?" He can hear his voice shaking, his heart beats up against his chest like the flapping of a hummingbirds wings as panic begins to wash through him. 

"Sadie just called me," She replies, the name rings a dusty bell in Buck's head. Sadie and her brother Jack Thompson had lived across the road from the Buckleys when they were younger. Sadie was the same age as Maddie and Jack was the same age as Buck. They had been best friends, going to their parents' galas together, playing and getting muddy in the creak in Buck's large backyard together. One of Bucks earliest memories was of a ten-year-old Sadie eating a slug on a dare, it was the grossest thing ever. She said it kind of tasted like chicken. Raw chicken.

They had been best friends until Buck was around eighteen years old when he ran away from home. He didn't mean to lose touch with his best friend. He missed them. "She said the cancer's back, Jack's back in the hospital, hospice care this time, Buck, they've only given him a month," 

Jack was diagnosed with leukemia when he was thirteen. He was in and out of the hospital for two years, looking frail and like the smallest gust of wind could take him away but he got better, he was meant to be okay now. But apparently now, at the ripe age of twenty-eight, the cancer that he thought he'd won the battle against was back and back with a vengeance. 

Buck feels the world slow around him. Any heat that he'd been able to maintain today leaving his body as his knees go weak and eyes go wide. If he hadn't already been sitting, he's sure he would have fallen. 

"You okay over there Buckaroo?" He distantly hears Hen's concerned voice.

"Buck, he wants to see you, to say goodbye," Maddie says, voice coming through the tiny phone speaker and sounding a lot louder than it had before. 

"Buck," He could hear his friends trying to get his attention, hear his name -the nickname that he'd decided on with Jack- being repeated around him. 

He's drawn back into reality by a warm heavy hand on his knee. Looking up, his eyes meet Eddies from where he was crouched at his knees, Chim standing worriedly behind him, Hen to his left and Bobby to his right. 

Bobby reaches forward and pulls the phone from Bucks grip. Buck doesn't even register the man's action or the fact that his captain was now telling his sister that he would call her back later.

"Buck, are you okay?" Eddie asks carefully. He had never seen Buck so quiet, or so sad as he looks to be right now. Instead of answering, Buck launches himself into Eddie's arms, almost throwing them both onto the floor. He doesn't cry, doesn't seem to be able to, but he holds onto Eddie so tightly that it almost hurts. 

"One of my friends, my childhood best friend, he- he's not doing too well," Buck chokes out just loud enough for everyone to hear, even with the words muffled by Eddie's shoulder. "I need to go see him, to say goodbye,"

"I'll organise for you to get a couple of weeks off kid, you may not have any sick leave left but you have amassed a large amount of holiday leave," Bobby tells him in a soft tone, one that reminded them all that he was a father, even though his biological kids weren't there, he was still a father. 

"I don't want to go alone," Buck whispers, sounding more vulnerable and childlike than any of them had heard him sound. It was moments like these that reminded them all just how young Buck really was. 

"Do you want me and Chris to come with you? I think we're due for a break too," Eddie offers, Buck hears the real underlying reason for the offer. Eddie may not say "Let me come to support you, let my son come to help stop you from slipping into a depressive state," but that meaning is there. Buck just nods against his shoulder, still holding him tight as if afraid to let go. 

It takes them a week to organise everything, Buck stressing out that it's taking too long and that they might not make it in time didn't exactly help. They find a nice little hotel with really good disabled access. The book one two-bedroom room figuring that Chris would probably want to go between sleeping in Bucks bed and sleeping in his dads' bed anyway. 

They had managed to both get two weeks off and so they had booked the hotel room for those two weeks as well as plane tickets for either way. Eddie had sat Chris down to explain to him why they were going to Pennsylvania and when Chris saw Buck next, he gave him an extra long hug but didn't say anything. When Eddie sees this, he can't help but feel his heart swell with pride at what an amazing kid his boy had become. 

The trip went by with very little significance, they got on a plane, Buck held Chris's hand when he started panicking, helped Eddie carry him off the plane when he fell asleep and drove their rental car to the hotel when he noticed how sleepy both the Diaz boys were. That's what they get for catching a flight that lands at twelve at night. 

They get to the room not long after and by one-thirty, they're sound asleep in the one bed, Buck not quite fully asleep in his position sandwiched between the two boys but rather drifting in and out of it as he prepares for the next day.


	2. Chapter 2

Time seemed to lose all meaning after that. If Buck really thought of it, time lost all meaning around a week ago. That week went by so fast, almost as if it never happened at all. And yet, it felt like it had been years since Maddie had called him to tell him the news. 

After Buck woke up that morning, the filling in a Diaz sandwich as both of the boys cuddled up to him as if his life depended on it, time seemed to slow to a standstill. He ate breakfast and showered and got ready, hardly saying a word and giving the occasional weak smile to Chris. He didn't notice the worried glances Eddie and his son exchanged. 

He did, however, seem to notice everything else. Each individual tick and tock from the obnoxiously loud clock, the repetitive pattern of the carpet in between their room and the lobby of the hotel, the fresh pink roses that stood out stark against the mahogany table the vase was sat on. 

Buck noticed the creak of the door of the hotel as it opened up to outside, the clacking of Chris's crutches as they walked to the car, the distant sound of the music all the way to the hospital. Every little thing. 

He didn't notice Chris noticing him. He didn't notice how the boy noticed how his hands were shaking as he walked into the hospital. He didn't notice the way the young boy caught his dad's eyes and nodded exaggeratedly to his shaking hands and so he was startled when Eddie grabbed his hand, giving it a comforting squeeze.

Walking into the hospital room was like having a bucket of cold water thrown over him. Jack hadn't known he was coming, his sister did, but they wanted it to be a surprise. And it was judging by the smile that spread across the man's face. 

His smile was so blinding and bright that it almost distracted from the way his greying skin was pulled tight against his bones. The spark of joy in his eyes almost distracted him from the way they were sunken into his face. 

He remembered what it had been like seeing Red in hospital, how his first instinct was to believe that something could be done, that there was some treatment or something. But Red had just asked him to stay with him, to be there by his side.

"Evan Buckley, am I dreaming right now or are you actually here?" Jack croaks. "And look at you! you actually have muscles now! no spaghetti noodle arms anymore," He jokes happily. 

"Spaghetti noodle arms?" Eddie repeats with an amused tone. 

"I was a really weak child okay," Buck says defensively.

Eddie lets out a laugh and shakes his head before turning to the man in the bed "Hey Jack I'm Eddie, this is Chris,"

Jack smiles in response, eyes flitting between Buck and the Diaz boys. "Found yourself a boyfriend and made yourself a cute lil' family did you, Buckley?" Jack says grabbing Buck's hand when he finally got close enough to do so. "You know," He turns to Eddie, "We always used to play mum and dads and him and Maddie would always fight over which one of the two would be a parent because they couldn't both be the parents, it was the most ridiculous thing, we actually had to make a schedule," 

"Yeah because Maddie kept pulling the 'I'm older' card," Buck says choosing to ignore the first part of Jack's statement. 

"Well she is older than you Bucky," Chris says knowledgeably, the glint in his eye and mischievous smile giving away more of the teasing than the tone had. 

Buck scoffs, clutching his chest as if wounded causing Chris to giggle. "Daddy and the others like to tease Buck about being the youngest too," He tells Jack conspiringly. 

"Do they now?" He replies, "Well, did you know, that I'm actually older than Buck too, so he really is just a little baby hey?" Chris laughs and nods along, Buck can't even feign unhappiness at the joke, not while watching the kid laugh with the man he'd once thought of as a brother. 

He knew they would become fast friends, both had a habit of that, Buck just wished they had more time. 

"Hey kid, you like spiderman?" Jack asks nodding to the spiderman t-shirt Chris was wearing under his jacket. Chris nods eagerly. "So does Buck," Jack's smile makes Buck's eyes go wide in anticipation of the embarrassment that was sure to come. 

And it does as he goes on to tell them about the story of when Buck was nine and wanted to go trick or treating as spiderman, he'd saved up for months to buy the costume because obviously, their parents wouldn't buy him anything as improper as a costume, but the only spiderman costume left by the time he'd saved up enough was way too small. 

Buck had bought it anyway and squeezed into it. and if the image of a lanky nine-year-old buck squeezed into a costume meant for a seven-year-old wasn't entertaining enough then the vivid description Jack gave of how Buck had tripped causing the suit to tear like paper and exposing his entire ass to the world definitely was. 

It was more than enough to have both Chris and Eddie rolling on the floor clutching their stomachs with laughter as back hid his face in his hands in embarrassment. Buck, of course, countered with the story about how that same year, Jack spilt a cup of boiling hot tea all over his crotch causing him to scream at a higher pitch than either of their sisters could manage, strip out of his pants and run outside to throw himself front first into the snow. All while the neighbours were over and watching. 

The day goes on like that, filled with the happier stories of Buck's childhood, each one either embarrassing Buck or Jack, the back and forth acting like a never-ending source of entertainment. And towards the end of the day, when Jack started getting tired, stumbling over his words and wheezing at the end of long sentences, Eddie and Chris helped to pick up where he left off, telling stories of embracing things Buck had done. 

This obviously lead to Buck telling Jack stories about Eddie. 

At one point, Jack laughs so hard he's sent into a coughing fit, gasping loudly for air as Buck calls for a nurse and both Eddie and Chris look on worriedly. 

After that, Chris convinces Buck to let him sit up on the bed with his new friend, having clearly already grown attached and both Eddie and Buck begin to regret their decision in having brought Chris with them. Neither had really taken into account how he would find a new friend and lose him for good all in the two week time period. 

Buck leaves that afternoon with a sense of happiness and sadness all rolled into one. It had been a good day, he'd missed his best friend but one day, and one day soon, he knew his best friend wouldn't be there any more. 

He had no idea how Jack managed to smile through it all. Buck couldn't help but think that it's funny how life dealt this cheat to someone who could handle it so well. 

Buck sat in the back seat with Christopher as Eddie drove them back to the hotel. He managed to smile and chat with Chris the whole way back not even realising that somewhere along the way in that car trip some of those faked smiles had become real ones courtesy of Christopher sitting in the middle seat so he could cuddle up to Buck and his infectious happy-go-lucky energy. 

From the way his son's eyes connected with his own in the mirror at the sound of Buck's real laughter, Eddie could tell that Chris knew exactly what he was doing. 

That kid was far smarter than anyone gave him credit for, definitely smarter than anyone under the age of ten should be. 

They got to the hotel, Chris not leaving Buck's side once, even later that night. Buck was basking in the attention and the positive energy, going as far as to happily scoop up the boy when he asked if he could sleep in his bed that night. Eddie pretended to be offended at his son's abandonment but the way Buck's eyes lit up, filled with love in a way that can't be faked, it made him extremely happy. 

Buck wasn't used to this, this having people care for him like this, people seeing that he was upset and wanting to change that. He wasn't used to having a family. 

As a kid, he had Maddie and he had Jack and Sadie but they were all going through similar things. The subtle verbal abuse, the absentee parents, the high standards, the having to be the perfect poster child to be shown off to all of their parents' important friends. As kids, it was hard enough to deal with their own pain that came from being unable to gain any attention from the people they loved most, much less be able to recognise and furthermore try to help others that were in pain. 

And so, Buck took every cuddle he could get, every soft look, every 'you okay?' and every gentle sad smile. Even if the pity and the checking in got annoying, Buck still welcomed it because it meant they cared. 

Buck found himself tucked into bed with Chris pressed up to his side by 7:30, after having some very yummy takeaway for dinner. Buck smothered a yawn as best he could, not well enough as he watched the domino effect as both Chris and Eddie yawned in response. 

Eddie was clearly not planning on going to bed any time soon as he walked over to the bed his two boys were in to tuck them in. He lent over, brushing Chris's curls away before kissing the top of his head. Then he repeated the action with Buck who gave him a sleepy smile, not even opening his eyes. 

Eddie couldn't help but contemplate how alike the two were in looks. With Buck's hair left to air dry instead of styled with the usual amount of gel, their blond curls were almost identical, blending in with each other where the older man had the side of his head resting atop the younger boys. 

Chris almost looked more like Buck's son than his own. 

Eddie couldn't bring himself to mind one bit. 

That week goes much the same as that first day, the three of them go in, tell stories, make each other laugh, sometimes they play card games, other times Jack isn't feeling too good so they sit around quietly. Sadie comes in on some of the days too, Buck loved to watch them bicker, it reminds him of when they were kids. It makes it easier for him to pretend that everything is going to go back to being okay. 

Things take a turn after that first week. 

Jack's bad days begin to outway his good ones, he sleeps a lot and can no longer keep any food down. If Buck had thought he looked sick on that first day, he wasn't sure what he would call how he looked now. An unsympathetic person might describe it as on death's doorstep toeing off his shoes before he can enter. 

At this point, Buck could no longer pretend that he wasn't going to die. Apparently, it's also the time when Jack realises he's that this is the end too. So every day, Chris sits up on the bed, carefully by his side, the kid, usually so full of energy, managing to keep it toned down in face of the sombre mood the room has taken. 

One day, Jack tells Buck about how he used to have a massive crush on Maddie when he was little. 

"I know," Buck laughs. "She was six years older than you and ten-year-old you was not subtle at all, it was kind of gross actually."

"I regret not telling her; if only so she could turn me down and I could have gotten over her sooner," Jack says with a sad smile. "Is she happy now?" 

This conversation sets the theme for many more to come, that of regret. 

Jack had a lot to regret. 

It was on the third day of the second week that Jack told them about his "one true love," They were best friends apparently, met at college. "She's beautiful, her hair is soft and brown, it reminds me of chocolate, and her eyes, they're like the green that you read about in books but don't actually believe exist," 

"I think I started falling in love with her the moment I saw her and I'm not sure I ever stopped," Buck catches Eddie's eyes, just for a moment. neither was aware of the fact that both were thinking the exact same thing. That that sentence perfectly described how they felt about the other. 

"So what happened between you two?" Chris's innocent questions interrupts the adults thoughts.

Jack smiles down at Chris sadly. "I never got around to telling her, and now I'll never get the chance,"

His addition is like a punch to Buck's chest. Their job isn't the safest, what if one day it does kill him? He'd been lucky so far but what about when his luck runs out? He's in love with Eddie, there was never really a question about it. 

"If you had more time would you tell her?" Eddie asks, voice interrupting Bucks thoughts. Jack nods, silent but sure; as if he would have no reservations about it. "Even if there was a chance she didn't love you back?"

Buck's breath catches in his through. That little question, 'what if he doesn't love me back' was pretty much the only thing holding him back from blurting out his feelings to Eddie at any moment of any day. 

"Yeah, I think it's more important for her to know that she's loved and to give me a chance to move on if she doesn't love me. I think that's worth more than my pride. Plus, you're always asking yourself, what if they don't love you back when the real question is what if they do?"

Jacks words play in a replay through Buck's mind on and off for the rest of the day. only interrupted for a couple of hours after they left the hospital when he and Eddie took Chris mini-golfing because how could you be thinking about anything else while in the presence of Christopher and his infectious laugh taking turns helping him with the man you love. The image of Eddie wrapped protectively around Chris, holding him up so he can swing the club without worrying about balance is an image that will make Buck smile for years to come. A similar image of Buck doing the same with Chris may now also exist as Eddie's phone background. 

How was he meant to resist taking a photo of Buck helping his son and looking down at him with such a strong amount of love that it could only compete with Eddie's own?


	3. Chapter 3

They only had three days left before they had to head home and Buck was seriously considering calling Bobby up to request more time. He didn't want to leave Jack, especially not now. He'd developed something that those in the medical field affectionately referred to as the death rattle, a sharp, harsh, painful cough that was a pretty accurate signifier of the end being near as fluid begins to build in his lungs. 

Both Buck and Eddie were sitting by his bed watching anxiously as they watched the man who looks two harsh coughs away from coughing up his lungs while Chris sat at his place on the bed gently rubbing his back not unlike how his dad does for him when he's sick. 

"It's okay kid," He says to Jack as the coughing eases up now instead replaced by a humourless laugh. 

"How are you so okay with this? you know I'm dying right?" The question may have been directed at Chris but Buck could hear the tone of disapproval that was clearly directed to Eddie.

"I know," Chris replies softly. "I've seen people die before and I know you're going to die and I'm going to be sad because you're my friend but it would be sadder if you died alone or if I never got to meet you at all,"

Jack looks like he has tears in his eyes as Chris pats his hair affectionately. "Gosh, Evan, how are did you help to raise such an intelligent kid," 

No one corrects him, they had given up after the first two days. Jack just refused to believe they weren't a family. 

"W-when you go to heaven, will you look for my mum? keep her company up there?" Jack looks frantically between Buck and Eddie noting the mild levels of panic in both of them at Chris's request. Jack looks back down to Chris who was looking up at him with the most open and honest and innocent eyes that he couldn't help but smile down at him and tell him "Of course,"

The thing about people who are dying, something that is unexplained by science, they sometimes get a Burt of energy, a 'second wind' if you will right before their death. Some believe it's their body using the last of their energy in an attempt to fulfil their final wishes. 

Buck knew this. It was one of the strange facts that had come up when he'd fallen into one of his holes of research. He was still surprised and overjoyed when the next day they came in to find Jack sitting up, talking and laughing with the nurse while eating a cup of red jello. 

For a moment Buck let himself believe that Jack was getting better. That somehow, miraculously, his body had fought off all the cancer, even after having stopped treatment. 

"Hey, guys!" Jack shouts excitedly, "nurse Taylor said that we can go out into the park for a bit today, you guys up for it? there's an awesome playground and everything," He directs the last part at Chris who's eyes light up instantly.

The bright sun warmed them as Buck pushed his friend in the wheelchair outside. The warmth cutting through the fresh morning air. "It's a perfect day isn't it?" Jack asks voicing everyone's thought. 

"Yeah, it reminds me of the days we used to go out collecting lizards and frogs and all those other creatures that you knew a ridiculous amount about," Buck says laughing. 

"Oh god do you remember that hideous toad we found out by the pond that time?" Jack asks with a laugh, Chris listens intently, he too loved all those critters. 

"Oh, jeesh and you had the genius idea of trying to keep it as a pet?"

They had been nine years old, the toad was easily the size of either one of their faces. They had attempted to hide it from their parents which on an ordinary day would have been quite easy, was made difficult by the large and over the top ball the Buckley's were holding. It is safe to say that things didn't go well and their plan ultimately lead to Buck and Jack running around with their sisters on their tails and a toad hiding in a woman obnoxiously oversized wig.

"Christopher don't you dare get any ideas from that," Eddie says in between laughter, Chris just snickers conspiringly in response and Buck just knows that he's going to get roped into some critter themed prank on the older firefighter. 

They get back to Jack's room at exactly half-past one in the afternoon. Just in time for lunch which the man is excited for as it's his favourite. Pizza. 

They laugh as he shovels it down while the other three eat their less yummy cafeteria food. Chris's complaints about the cafe food, which Buck can't help but agree with lead to Buck telling a story about one of Eddie's many many disasters in the kitchen. This one involving a birthday cake he was baking as a surprise for Buck that included so much eggshell that there was a crunch in every bite and had somehow ended up with salt instead of sugar.

Throughout the story, Jack is laughing and yawning, clearly having used up his energy for the day. 

"Hey man, just go to sleep, we'll still be here when you wake up," Buck says, noticing the way he was fighting to keep his eyes open. 

"Alright, love you man," He whispers causing Buck to laugh and respond the same. 

Jack Thompson dies at half-past three that day. 

Buck and Eddie were on the ground by the bed with Chris playing with some of the lego's he's brought over when the machine by Jack's bed starts to beep. He doesn't wake up, his eyes stay closed. A nurse comes in, littering around him, stroking his hair. Buck realises what she's doing a moment later, she was making him comfortable. 

"Eddie, take Chris out of the room," Buck suggests not focussing on Eddie complying. He makes his way t Jack, grabbing his hand and leaning over to rest his forehead by Jacks ear. 

"I'm going to miss you so much," He whispers, tears trickling down his cheek and onto the pillow. "But it's okay, it's okay if you have to go now, we love you so much," The moment Buck finishes talking, the machine begins to let out one consistent beep and Buck knows, his brother is gone. 

He leaves the room, immediately scooping Christopher up into his arms when he sees him. Chris goes without complaint, holding his Bucky in a tight and comforting hug from his place on the mans' hip. "He's gone isn't he?" The kid asks, tears already leaving tracks down his face. Buck just nods, wiping away some of the tears only for more to replace them. 

"He was happy though, and- and he died in his sleep which means he wasn't in pain. I'm glad you guys got to meet him," Buck says quietly comforting Chris as best he can.

"Come on, let's head back to the hotel," Eddie whispers placing a gentle arm around Buck's shoulder so he can comfort him while leading him out. 

Chris is silent the whole way back, crawling straight into the nearest bed when they get back to the room. Buck isn't much different, staring blankly at the white wall opposite the other bed.

Eddie pulls him down into the second bed without a sound, helping him out of his clothes and back into his pyjamas. He changes himself too before wordlessly tucking them both into the bed and pulling Buck into his chest. It only takes a moment for Buck to start shaking, his sobs muffled by eddies shirt as he holds onto it so tight his knuckles go white. 

Eddie looks up, trying not to let his own tears spill over the Edge.

Hours pass. 

The sun sets, the room goes dark. The lights on the side table flash reading '10:00pm' in bright red. The only sound breaking the overwhelming silence was buck's soft sobs. Eddie notices how they start to become softer before Buck starts pulling himself away. Eddie is hesitant to let go and so watched closely as Buck wipes the tears from his red eyes.

"Sorry," He whispers to Eddie, voice croaky and raw. 

"You have nothing to be sorry about," Eddie replies. 

Buck goes to say something else, possibly to argue, to apologise to Eddie for keeping him there, for bringing him with him, for something as simple as staining his top with his tears, but before he can a soft voice interrupts him. 

"Bucky are you sad?" Chris asks from behind Buck. 

"Yeah buddy, I'm sad," Buck admits. 

Chris crawls in on the other side of Buck, caging him in. He wraps his small arms around Buck before whispering with far too much wisdom: "It's okay to be sad,"

Eddie wraps his arms around his boys from the other side. Buck didn't think he had any tears left to cry after sobbing for hours but the fresh streams running down his cheeks said otherwise. "Thank you," He whispers to them both pressing his lips to the curls atop Christopher's head. 

Sadie organises a small service for the very next day, everything had already been planned out and everyone Jack wanted there was already in town so it wasn't difficult. It was simple and there were a lot of flowers and Buck held Chris extremely tight while Eddie held him just as tightly. 

Other than that, the three of them stayed in bed until they had to leave, eating room service and watching movies and just being there for each other. 

By the time they get back to LA, Buck has some things Jack said running on replay in his head. Specifically, what he said about how much he regrets not telling the woman he loves how much he loves her. It doesn't take him long to realise he doesn't want to get to that point. He doesn't want to one day wake up and for whatever reason, regret not telling Eddie he loves him. 

"Hey Eddie, can I come over after work today? I wanted to talk to you about something," Buck asks after work a week after going back having only now built the courage to do so.

"Yeah of course man, is everything okay?" the corner of Buck's lips twitch up. This was one of the many things that Buck loved about Eddie. He was caring. 

"Nothing some time with your son wouldn't fix," Buck jokes in response causing Eddie to laugh and accuse him of using him for his son. 

"Can you blame him?" Chim chimes in, "because Chris is sorta awesome," The alarm goes off cutting the conversation short and before Buck knows it, he's back at Eddie's with a plate of leftovers for dinner.

Buck is preoccupied all throughout the night, just as he has been since Jack died but this was a different sort of preoccupation. It was more of a considerate than mournful one. Like he was overthinking something. 

Eddie was surprised by how right he was. 

"Jack talked a lot about what he regretted," Buck starts after Chris has gone to bed. He was sitting next to Eddie on the couch, thighs pressed together and a bottle of beer in his hand.

Eddie stays silent, afraid to interrupt and scare away the tentative confidence that Buck built for this. 

"He talked a lot about how much he regretted not telling that girl how he felt and well, I don't want to ever get to that point, I don't want to wake up one day and regret- regret not telling you I love you," Buck whispers quiet enough that Eddie almost misses it. 

"Buck," Eddie whispers back, not much louder than Buck had been. "I love you too,"

They move together slowly, hesitantly as if one of them breathing too fast would break the tentative moment they'd created but when their lips meet, it's like the whole world fades away. For that moment, nothing is more important to Buck than the gentle touch of Eddie's lips to his own. 

They pull away just as slowly, looking on at the other with so much love. Neither can help but wonder how they hadn't seen it before but Eddie could see something else in Buck's eyes too. 

"I think, I think I still need some time," Buck whispers, shame tainting his words. 

"Its okay cariño, you're grieving, this is still a difficult time for you, I understand and I'm willing to wait as long as it takes," Eddie cups Bucks face in his hands pressing their foreheads together. "I'm here and I will be in any capacity you will have me," 

Buck can't help but fall into Eddie's embrace, the acceptance and love he was being shown tearing down all his walls and making him evermore vulnerable to the other man. 

Buck realises a couple of weeks later while looking at the old photograph in his locker of him and Jack sitting on a trampoline that he was happy. Before he had been content, but now, even with the grief tugging on the edges of his mind, Buck was happy. 

He and Eddie had finally gone on a date, they were in love, he'd finally found a family that cared about him, that wanted him around. He'd finally found everything he and Jack had wistfully talked about. He couldn't have done it without the man he considered to be his brother.

Deep down he knew he would remember him always and that it wasn't goodbye, just 'see you later,'

**Author's Note:**

> I remember hearing the song for the first time and it actually made me cry. It is a beautiful and sad song and I hope i did it some justice. Let me know what you think!
> 
> Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkNnQBizT44
> 
> P.S Robbie owns my entire soul


End file.
